Dated: Somewhere in November 2016
‘I haven’t enjoyed my life since past six years, and trapped inside my house’.
One of my very beautiful friend with tears in her eyes just hung up the phone after saying this. Beautiful I say for she is one from inside. She is always studying hoping to enjoy in ‘future’. When she hung up the phone I checked to see I had received a text from one of my crazy friend(some other friend). I am trying to help her to run away from this world and its system. Yes, she has finally decided to run in search for peace after finally having the courage to accept she is better than this life and its systems, she has quit her college in search for something worth doing in life.
Why am I telling you all this you ask?
Isn’t it obvious! That is how we live. Take my example, while growing up, this world made me focus towards studies. I will be a big guy if I study. But what is big I didn’t know. I used to dream about playing, doesn’t matter which sport, I was happy as long as I get to play something. As I grew older and reached ‘senior’ classes my love for sports was almost completely taken away. I never rebelled, for I too believed it was for ‘better future’. I had to study and be a big person. But what is big person I didn’t know. I was told to study hard in 9th and 10th standard. Tenth was board examination afterall. Your life is dependent on it. So I studied hard. From playing daily, it became weekly. I missed it but I had to become a big person that is what world taught me. Eight years and am still waiting for when my tenth board marksheet will be useful. After so many years I am still waiting to make sense of what I was taught in tenth then.
Many of my friends started leaving school in eleventh standard preparing for IIT-JEE and joining some dummy school leaving behind memories and sacrificing our last two years of supposed to be school life for a ‘better future’. Someone told me that is how you become a big person. Everyone started to study so hard, joining the ‘smart’ Coaching where people were trained to crack the exam and didn’t actually care about people being treated as humans. I was left alone. All my friends were doing that except me. I was starting to question concept of being big person still I didn’t had the courage to question the system and continued to think there is problem with myself. As I was crossing sweet sixteen I realised that my childhood of playing was over a long time ago without getting the chance of playing something at a good level. Seeing my friends in coaching I started doing the same. IIT suddenly became my life target. I don’t know why others wanted to go, I wanted to go in it for my newly found adolescence dream of playing all the time in college, chilling with my girlfriend, partying with friends. Ironical, for the temptation of these dreams was given by this world and its system only. The world told me this is what the future looks like. From wanting to be the big guy I started to dream of being a big stud. I left everything. Playing reading books, guitar, listening to music, going out and was basically trapped inside my house. Trapped I was in dreams for a ‘better’ future. Not the IIT but I got selected in a good NIT nevertheless. In total isolated part of India I knew my adolescence dreams of partying, playing competative sports with other colleges, going to disc etc. was over the moment I stepped inside the campus. The future for which I was trapped inside my home for three years never came.
They said work hard in college and you will get a big package and great income and you will be a big person. By saying this they tried to lure me yet again to see yet another dream . I tried really hard maybe got lured in the dream for sometime but it was difficult to even attend the bullshit classes leave alone working hard. I had a breakup and lost the love of my life because of kind of person I had become inside this turmoil. I went through depression and stopped playing as well. Basically killed the only thing holding me together. But this time will always be memorable for me as this was the time I started openly questioning the system and world we live in. By this time I had realise one thing i.e. unless I run from this cycle of systems that have been created and try to figure out one system of my own, my dream will be dream only. I wanted to run from the system I wanted to run from this world who never let me have these dreams. And so I started working for my dreams. I wanted to travel and wanted to learn about food that was the dream I was seeing next. I didn’t had courage. But this world and its system showed me a future which would never had been possible if I followed it. I had grudges from the world. And so I simply left it converting the regrets of all the time my dreams were shattered, all the grudges I have against this system, times I lost the confidence in myself, times i felt like a failure and stood there without purpose in life into the courage I never had. And decided to live my dream right now and not worry about the future. True maybe I won’t earn much and maybe won’t be that big person world want me to be, but I am happy, deeply and truly happy. Like my crazy friend who is finally running away to find peace. Crazy she is indeed, and you need to be crazy and infact sometimes go complete banana if you really want to have that courage. I am so excited for her, I can actually see joy and happiness and satisfaction in her eyes, the same things I saw inside myself the day I took courage to run from the world and its systems towards something worth doing. I am hoping that my beautiful friend will realise it soon as well.