Ever since a long time now, I think a lot and have not really done the true deep work. But then what is the real deep work about in life? What if I am just running toward fame? What if I chose the wrong field in terms of career and this is the reason I am not going deep enough? But then it is also true I chose this career myself with the thought to give myself a chance to a different world. This makes me wonder that nothing really matters and passion is really overrated. However, it doesn’t mean you cannot be a passionate person in general. You chose something and you need to keep going deep into it. This is the only way you can go deep inside yourself.
Out of many things I preach and believe in, one of the main things that have stayed with me is the desire to live a healthy life. However, I have never been disciplined. Also, I do not put the effort into the right places and overthink a lot. This has resulted in me being a shallow person… at least in my mind. I also feel the things I desire for myself, how I wish to live, and how I wish people to behave with me are also getting compromised because of it. I did create a wonderful place like Den so definitely I am doing something right as well. But I cannot just depend on that and keep on exploring the shallow surface. This is the only way I can continue to find and discover myself.
For the last few months, I have been so unfit and the amount of weight that I have gained, I never imagined myself that way. But besides food there is a lot more things such as
- Watching TV while eating
- Emotional eating
- Mid-meal unhealthy snacking
- Not cooking at all
- not living life inspired by the local-seasonal-wholesome approach
- Basically not loving myself at all(I guess)
I am trying to take it as an opportunity, I am hoping to implement the learnings I have been exposed to all these years. But it will happen only if I actually appreciate what I am trying to do. My carefree attitude needs to be tamed…
While a lot of people are helping me out in reclaiming my health, yesterday, Mohak, my friend and my lifestyle management coach was pretty pissed at me because I am seriously not having any control over what I am eating in general. He can literally see my stomach getting bigger and bigger every time we meet for a workout session. We have the target to get back in shape in three months and how can he work with me if even I am not working with myself?
But yesterday it was different. While I didn’t really put a lot of effort into what I am going to eat all day long, finally, at night I told myself enough is enough and ended up eating paneer as instructed by Mohak. I am not even sure if this concept of seeing food as protein etc makes any sense but I need to learn new things and I need to try things even to accept or reject something. But of course, my ultimate aim is to get stronger in my belief and my ethos which might differ from what Mohak would believe in general but I am glad he respects me for that. Wish me luck with it. It is the beginning and I need to get it done,